Speculate ye who hath returned! Returned once more! VanderKitty hath returned! Advise your colleagues!

What-ho and salutations, ye supporters of Deare Olde Vanderbilt! Numerous are the months that hath passed since we last met to discuss the sporting fortunes of our fair university, but be not affrighted! This week in Birming-Ham, Alibamo, our very own firebrand of a coachman, Jameson Franklingtonshire, hath informed the gathered, slovenly, predominantly elephantine masses with their various recordation machines that all is on the up-and-up in Nash-Ville collegiate footballing!

I must say, I am much pleased with this news! I have recently been greatly disturbed by the fortunes of my dear friend and compatriot, J.P. Meowrgan of New York and his recent ill-advised business ventures. Old J.P., a real brick if ever one there was, is so beside himself, his wife forced him to take a month’s vacation on his vintage sailing yacht to Tahiti just to calm his nerves! No doubt he will purchase a vacation island whilst there, the old Palooka!

Well, dear friends, I must be off to my chateau for a much deserved nap and a crystal goblet filled with Fancy Feast. Adieu, mes amis!